Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
