I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
