I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
