why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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