I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh god the rape fog is back!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
