Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
