bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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