You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
