That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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