so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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