dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
