I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This baby is an asshole
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
