we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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