Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
