that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
