Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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