She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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