so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
