dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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