Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
