i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Mom said you looked used
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
