I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
