end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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