when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dear god my vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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