is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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