the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
