my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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