the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
