dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
