Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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