A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
