Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
