one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
