And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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