Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
