I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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