I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
