it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
