I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
