remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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