You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
