loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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