I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
