3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The uberlube is also flammable
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
