i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
