i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found your dick twin last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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