My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
