So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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