Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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