the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
