Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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