i barfeds in our rink
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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