My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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