It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
