pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Then you guys just all showered together...?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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