That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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