Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
