I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
