I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
