No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Someone signed my nipple.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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