i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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