I don't think brook has ever known best
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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