You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
