one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
