I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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