He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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