The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
