Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
