used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
