I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
