Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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