I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
