Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
