I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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