Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
