i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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