I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Less talking, more tequila
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
