bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
