so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
