dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
