I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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