My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
